"The Protocols of the Elders of WASP"
My wife and I were having a very comprehensive discussion about the assimilation of American Jewry and the probability of our demise as a People within 20 years when we heard a loud knock at the front door of our home. I went to the door but found no one there. What I did find shocked me. It was a dog-eared copy of the infamous Protocols of the Elders of WASP wrapped in plain brown paper, worn from years of use -- there, on our doorstep. How timely, I thought. Then I saw the accompanying note, scribbled on a Post-It -- "...from Jewish friends, take heed..."
My hands trembling, I immediately read the book from ragged cover to cover. While the Preface warns readers that they are "...bound to silence..." it's time to out this evil cabal. I owe it to you. Here are some excerpts:
"What They Do..."
- This evil and vicious majority controls our banks, newspapers, television and...now the Internet...usurping our historic role.
- They have insidiously taken over our political institutions -- Congress, the White House, governorships -- that were formerly ours.
- They are trying to take back basketball and baseball franchises from us.
- These mongrels have names like Jeb, and, more typically, "Junior" and "Babs" and "Mags, Rupert, Billy Bob, Skip, Chip and, worst, 41 or 43"
- They drive Buicks (but many have now switched to Lexus)
- They never own homes in "subdivisions"
- They own yachts and actually use them on water. They can steer them, hoist the sails and other yacht stuff
- They wear hats -- not caps, hats
- They eat corned beef sandwiches on white bread with mayo (and if forced to go to, e.g., the Carnegie Deli, can find nothing..."nothing"...on the menu to order.
- They are an unhappy serious people.
- Their women make great second wives.
- They drink.
- They give to charity if it "helps the business."
- They didn't "get" Seinfeld.
- They shop at J. Press, Paul Stuart and Brooks Brothers.
- They play squash and paddle tennis.
- They pay retail.
- They jog and actually get thinner doing so.
- They still go out in the sun to tan.
- They dress up to go shopping (especially the Dallas cell).
- In a down market they "stay the course."
- They are dangerous. They are everywhere.
There is much, much more, that I am afraid to print. Look on your stoop, your copy is coming...my wife and I went back to our discussion on assimilation.