Now that the great, incredible, fantastic success (did I mention "incredible"?) of Festivus 2 is behind us (and even while certain participants who shall remain nameless are still wandering the Strip), we at JFNA are, as always, looking forward. "To our future," as we say even as I have to admit our arms are so damn tired from patting ourselves on the back.
Many of you who took Latin in the halcyon days of yore will remember "panem et circenses," the phrase which summarized the Roman formula for creating a docile population; give them "bread and circuses" and they will be yours. Here at JFNA it's just circenses -- the circuses have proved to be more than enough. And, have we got a circus planned for you. As we say in Latin: "Give a listen."
Given the undeniable (sure, you can deny it but here at 25 Broadway, we're not listening) success of two TribeFests -- young Jews subsidized by their Federations (well not "theirs" quite yet, but we have a tool kit for that) and the JFNA Endowment, awash in alcohol, testosterone and Vegas, the last one had a Budget of $818,000 (before staff travel and overhead) and an estimated 1400 participants (that's hysterical laughter you are hearing behind me) or a cost per participant of $584 per head (or $715 per at the real cost; yeah, that's astonishing, even astounding, but, boy, did we get bang for your bucks) -- with all that success, next year JFNA will proudly sponsor the first ever LollapaJewza. The first Jewish rock, rap 'n hip hop music festival for Jewish Young Adults --our favorite audience. "It's a natural move after the great achievements of these two Fests," said President and CEO Jerry Silverman. "It's like moving Dockers from pleats to straight-legged -- a no-brainer." Asked to list the "achievements" of Festivus 1 and 2, Silverman deferred to his new Managing Director of the Office of the CEO, who could not be found.
At the recently adjourned Festivus 2, high marks went to the performers on the Main Stages and at the Mosh Pits...and at the bars and in the suites. So, so popular. So JFNA staffers just sneaked a copy to us of the performers already scheduled for LollapaJewza 1: Diwon (producer and DJ), Dege Feder (Ethiopian dancer and choreographer), Hatikva 6 ("honorable 33rd place on the list of the 60 best songs in Israel's then 60 years"), Aya Korem (Israeli chanteuse), Moshav (Israeli musical group), the Drei Kopfs (singing group of Jewish mothers-in-law), the Alta Kachers (old Jewish men yodeling badly), Chutzpah (the "World's First Ever Jewish Hip Hop Supergroup"), The Adelson Elementary School Choir (big hit at the Festivus), Etan G ("the Jewish Rapper") and, of course, Rabbi Perl and the Rockin' Rabbis. (Do you know which ones actually performed at Festivus 2?) And, more...names too big to be released as yet. Those LollapaJewza Mosh Pits will run with Jewish blood.
And one of the five Main Stages will be dedicated to those we've invited -- like the pro-BDS crowd and J-Streeters -- but don't really want to attend. We'll charge 'em the same as anyone else but their Main Stage will have no acts; just speeches by the Israel Action Network on a continuous loop. It'll be just a way to increase our numbers and, if you know anything at all about us, it's all about the numbers we can claim.
If Festivus 2 was worthy of
With apologies to those who produce the remarkable Lollapaloosa on Chicago's lakefront every Summer with great success. We've stolen the idea from you just as we stole the Festivus from Jewlicious.