Sunday, May 14, 2017


~ Hard work is preparing for and testifying before a Congressional Committee; no work is preparing for and appearing in a photo op in Washington. Contrast and compare: William Daroff vs. Jerry Silverman -- hard work vs. no work. 

~ "This November, get ready to venture further --in mind, body and spirit..." Yep, attend the LA GA and JFNA will apparently improve your mind, your body and your spirit. Duh. Oh, promises, promises. As the PR material asserts: "This is your chance to venture further." (P.S., with thanks to a faithful reader, on the date JFNA sent out this promo -- March 28 -- the GA did not appear on the Calendar of the Jewish Federation of Greater Los Angeles whose Board Chair is also the GA co-Chair (with her spouse) and with Richard Sandler, a past LA Board Chair is the JFNA Board Chair.)

~ I have printed some of the more incredible questions for which professionals seek answers from their peers through that important JFNA-created vehicle...ta da...FedCentral.
Here's a recent question:
"Can anyone share an example of birthday greetings to donors? We have received tremendous feedback to this year's card, so the pressure is on to deliver another 'wow' next year." 
"Wow;" I'd say "Wowee!!!" I don't question the sincerity of the professional asking the question -- but that's about all I don't question. Forgive me but maybe they ought to name this thing FedLazy.

~ The most recent JFNA IRS 990 filing covering the fiscal year July 1, 2015 ending June 30, 2016 has yet to make an appearance -- JFNA still displays the 990 for the prior fiscal year ending June 30, 2015. Some of you may have noticed that we are rapidly approaching the June 30, 2017 fiscal year-end. This may be a revelation to those at 25 Broadway. In other words, by the time the next 990 appears, its revelations will be those of the prior two years. This is not to suggest that JFNA is in violation of the IRS filing date requirements; it is to suggest that JFNA would just as soon not file anything that would disclose to we, the public, even the camouflaged facts of JFNA's annual operation.

You're sure not going to find this "facts" in JFNA's Annual Reports filled as those have been with beautiful pictures and descriptions of what others are doing. You know: business as usual.

We'd suggest...again...some adult supervision. 

But we know that's asking the impossible for this leadership.



Anonymous said...

Note to JFNA communications staff as they "venture" forward: The decades olds jargon of the 90's is still jargon.

Anonymous said...

JFNA Jargon

1 Get granular. It means to get to a level of details. But why stop at grains of stuff. I recommend going even further, based on the level of details desired: Get molecular, Get atomic, or Get subatomic. And if you want even more details, the ultimate level, based on String Theory, is “Get stringy.” E.g., “This is a good strategic plan, but we need to get subatomic. No, we need to get stringy.”

2 At the end of the day. At the end of the day, we all just want to punch anyone who says this. I really like “When all the rhubarb is harvested.” It sounds really nice and sophisticated. Try it. “I know we don’t always agree, but when all the rhubarb is harvested, we are each an amazing unicorn who makes the world better.”

3 Take it with a grain of salt. Look, a single grain of salt is not going to do anything, OK? One grain of salt is completely useless, trust me (Worst margarita ever). I propose we replace it with “Take it with a swig of Pepto.” That pink stuff is magical, calming down any stomach ailment caused by watching JFNA kill itself

4 Buckets. I am so sick of buckets, especially when it’s used in finance, like “So our revenues can be divided into five buckets: Restricted, temporarily restricted, permanently restricted, unrestricted, and useless broken office supplies that we can’t throw away because we’re a nonprofit and so we hoard stuff.” Let’s replace it with tote bags. Tote bags at the GA are everywhere and are actually useful.

5 Piggyback. I’ve been hearing this more, like “I’d like to piggyback on that idea.” We are professionals. No one should be piggybacking on anything. And who rides on pigs anyways? That’s a great way to annoy our porcine friends. Kashrut be damned.

6 Robust. “We need a more robust model.” Ugh. Let’s replace this with something that is actually robust: not Jerry Silverman. Jerry is not robust. The village called they want their robust i...t back.

7 Circle back. Every time I hear Jerry say ‘I’ll circle back with you on this,’ I want to jam knitting needles into my ears.” Let’s prevent this sort of self-inflicted violence by replacing this cliché with “stir the risotto.” Risotto takes a lot of stirring; you have to come back to it constantly.

8 Take it to the next level. We have a very height-biased lrganization that values things that are physically higher than other things. Why should the next level be more valued just because it’s higher? This needs to stop. I recommend “drive it to the next truck stop,” please just drive this guy to the next truck stop and leave him there.

9 Take-aways: “Before this training ends, let’s go around the room and share three take- aways.” Always makes me hungry, because it reminds me of take-out food. So I propose ‘Bouncy Ball.’” “OK, so the woftam is a great idea, but what is the bouncy ball we want to leave the participants with?”

12 Red flag: I think this one hearkens back to bullfighting, where a red flag is waved to enrage the bull so that he would charge. Well, whether you are against bullfighting or not, this expression needs to be retired. I recommend “hang nail.” Sure, it starts small, but then it peels down just a little bit more, and then it’s painful as hell. Jerry was enough of a red flag, now he is nothing but a hangnail...

RWEX said...

Reading that brilliant Comment from Anon 4:06 p.m., I had the thought that each cliche, possibly in sequence, would be the perfect Chapter heading for my book: "The Fall and Failure of Jewish Power"