Wednesday, October 10, 2018

KOL NIDRE

I hope that all of you had  meaningful Days of Awe and that you and your families have been inscribed in the Book of Life for 5779 and beyond.

And, then...

...there they were again.The couple, aging as we are, sitting a couple of rows in front of us at Kol Nidre services. They aren't at services very often, even less often than we -- so, giving them the benefit of the doubt, I thought, hoped, that this time itwould be different.

You see, this couple, society folks BTW, in every prior year, came in, sat down, and began popping chewing gum as if gum were the staff of life -- he, a few pieces less than she. Five, six, maybe seven pieces each, their cheeks inflating like small balloons. We were annually transfixed and disgusted at this display, But it didn't end well.

He was a quiet chewer, his jaws moving imperceptibly; she, however, chewed her gum at a pace never before seen, lips open, the smacking noise continuous. I sensed that the echo from the "smack, smack, smack" was reverberating off the walls of the sanctuary. In our section, all eyes were on this grotesquerie. You couldn't help hearing the noise; soon the choir was looking around, then the Cantor,the Rabbi.

But no one did anything, no one said anything. God knows if one's kippah fell off unnoticed by the wearer, 15 men would be on you in a nano-second; smacking gum on Yom Kippur...we are embarrassed into silence for this couple. Finally, at my wife's urging -- "DO SOMETHING" -- tapped the fellow on the shoulder: "It's Yom Kippur, please?" He had not a clue what I was talking about. OK, subtlety...no good. "You can't chew gum in the Synagogue on Yom Kippur." His wife couldn't hear me over the sounds of her chomping.

And as a few minutes passed, the gum-chewing slowed to a crawl as the couple lapsed into deep sleep. Now the sounds of gum-smacking evolved into loud snoring. 

Can't wait 'til next year.

Rwexler

9 comments:

  1. I didn't know that you attended the same synagogue as I do.

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  2. To Anon above:

    Too funny. Kal ha'kavod!!

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  3. With all due respect, I used to be this judgemental growing up. Who are these interlopers who are ruining the services for those of us who show up every week?

    But no more. Certainly not on Yom Kippur Each of us could be criticized by someone else in shul for one thing or another. We have enough of our own shortcomings to focus upon during this holiday than to start casting aspersions upon others.

    At this point, we should be grateful that they came to synagogue at all. Maybe they seriously had no clue that chewing gum was out of place.

    Shana Tova.

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  4. Re Anon 10:32 comment - Wasn't this post REALLY about something else?

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  5. I have seen on Yom Kippur:

    1) Congregant sitting way in back on FaceTime with daughter
    2) Congregant take bagels and apples out for kids (at least go to another room)
    3) Young congregant sitting with family in sanctuary with ear buds connected to a mobile device

    Decorum sorely lacking

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  6. ...And it's all Jerry Silverman's fault!

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  7. Hi Richard. Any plans to write about the Canary Mission situation. I am curious about your thoughts.

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  8. Yes, I do have some thoughts on the revelations -- the questions of how? and why?

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